Tuesday, April 10, 2007
Tones of Mental Distress Eminate From the Worm Peril
Count Loachfillet began with dental architecture in Romania between the rise and fall of the Industrial Revolution in America. After his childhood nightmares evolved into adult gameboard stories, he managed a string of decrepit funeral parlors and slowly began to process sound with chemicals and materials within the nearby mortuary. His first experiments were done during lunch hours with drums of type O-negative blood, the coarse flesh of "lost" patients left in the refrigerator, and miscellaneous bottles and jars in the laboratory storage room. These first experiments were fruitless, bringing nothing but dry sound and very little life to the atmosphere. This all changed when he was locked in the lab over night on his twentieth birthday. There was no food to eat and no clean water, so he indulged in a bit of artists' blood used for the base of the embalmers' make-up and chewed on the carnage of a teenage female brought in that morning. The world began to spin and his inner organs did jumping jacks whilst groaning from right to left, in uneven patterns. Learning about chemistry in the Embalmers' Academy, he began to experiment and mixed the elements with the unused organs of victims brought in the day of that evening. The festering of blood and toxins, diligently strained from the gaseous overflow was more powerful than the finest forms of formaldehyde; which drove him to insanity within his chamber. From then on, he was locked in a tomb about the size of a modest out house, left in a cramped crypt, to produce sound effects for Ed Wood's B-grade films in Transylvania. As there was no formal way of exiting this tomb, his apprentice (The Egret Tepes) devised a vacuum tube system for expedient delivery of sound effects to the masters above ground. This worked for a few minutes until Egret had to co-manage the waste with the deliverables! So much for that vacuum funnel!
Now, it's all just fun and games as he disseminates upon the mire of modern human ears with tones of peril collecting the dry dust of tomb robbery as the centuries tick away.
Out Soon: Count Loachfillet's "Vampire in Orbit!" 3" CD.
A scientific approach to the aural fixations of vampires in outer space.
Photo: Lars Rover.